He runs to us ........

When he was still a long way off, his father 

saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, 

embraced him, and kissed him.  

Luke 15:20  (The Message)

Yes I have read this story, The Prodigal Son in Scripture many times.  I had heard it since I was a child.  But it was like so many other things I heard ....I heard it, but I didn't own it, personally it didn't mean anything to me.  

One morning during a singing worship time when I was doing my masters, this particular part of the story went deep into my very being.  Do you know what I mean when I say that?  Something inside of me received these words in a way I never had before.  I could always see me running after Him.  I guess I was always running toward Him, but it was more from trying to be what I thought He wanted me to be.  

But for some reason that morning as I was singing and focusing on Jesus, I saw God, Father run toward me .....actually run to me.  I couldn't believe it, the God of the universe would run toward me .....why!?  Just like this son, who didn't think he was good enough to be the son any longer, he would be the servant ....I too didn't feel good enough - for different reasons, but the thoughts were similar.  

Seeing this picture, focusing on this scripture, reading it over and over - something changed in me.  Hard to explain, but I had a different way of thinking.  I didn't have to keeping running, striving, trying to measure up, or do the right thing .....the Father ran to me, He came to me - He hugged me, laughed with me, cared about me!  I saw relationship with Him differently, my heart was no longer filled with fear, shame or guilt when I thought about Him.  Oh I had learned and come a long way on my journey with God, I didn't know shame, guilt and fear was still there - but it was and I was still reacting to it.  

As I continued focusing and seeing that picture I saw in worship that morning, I continued to be transformed, I understood a word I had used all my life in a different way - that word - love.  My motivation for spending time with God, for wanting to read Scripture, loving other people was no longer about if I didn't somehow I wouldn't be a good Christian; but it was a motivation of love for God.

You know meeting with God, whether it be in a singing worship time, listening to a teaching/sermon, laughing with friends, taking a long walk... and asking Him to empower you to be aware of His presence, to hear His voice and to show you truth, really works.  He promises to show you Himself if we want to know.  I want to encourage you today to ask Him.  I only do that because I know it works, I know He wants to see you and He wants to show you who you are and who He is ..........

We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for 

dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they 

began to have a wonderful time.  

Luke 15:24  (The Message) 

If you would like, you can purchase my book from Amazon in the US or Amazon in the UK.  The links are at the side of the blog, will take you right to the place to order!

Thank you, my prayer is that everyone who reads the book will encounter God, grow in Him and be everything He created them to be.

'My pub ladies'

In 'Pages From Her Story' I talked about different topics and how God met me in them.  For example purpose, forgiveness, suffering, shame, growing in Him, participation and living life with Jesus.  

I met a group of ladies in a village pub/restaurant when I was doing masters in Christian Formation and Discipleship.  I got to know them, heard their stories and eventually heard their pain, frustrations, fears, at times hopelessness and despair.  

When it was time for me to do my capstone project at the end of the course, I asked them if they would be willing to assist me.

They knew I was a Christian and what my masters was about.  But I had never preached at them or ever talked about Jesus from a place of fear.  I often talked about who He was and who we are because of Him.  

I was very excited when they agreed to help me by coming together every week after reading one of the stories and talk.  I told them they could be completely real and even tell me if they didn't like the story.

We met every week for three months.  We laughed. cried, at times some of them got mad at me, told me what I said was stupid (they did use the word often) and we grew together.  

That was a little over two years ago.  Several of these women have received Jesus, allowed Him His place in their life and become who they are in Him.  I continued to meet with them and now there is another group of women I am meeting with that was recommended by the original group.  I call them 'my pub ladies!"  I have encouraged the ladies that became Christians they too can bring a group together and lead them.  

Matthew 28:19 says, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit."  As Jesus taught and trained, He then told them to go and do the same - to continue to participate with Him in His mission in the world through the unique way He created us.  He sent us a comforter, helper - Holy Spirit who empowers us to do this.  

Maybe you could do something like this with 'Pages From Her Story'  or with your own story.  

Pages From Her Story is a collection of stories about the transformation of a woman whose heart was broken but brought back to life when she met God. It is about the story God tells us in all our lives. It is about humanity and the world and how an awareness of God changes and infuses everything, making a difference in our everyday life. It is the snapshots of a woman learning to be everything she was created to be and participating with God in His mission in this world.

These stories are about love, redemption, hope, forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation. As you read—the broken parts, the secret parts, and the beautiful parts—the gospel will come to life. That’s the transforming story of what God does in a human heart. It can come alive, and that story can change your life.


  

Encouraging/Inspiring, growing and being 

everything He created you to be.

     
     I have learned that the only safe place I can pour out my complaints is to God.  It is the only place where I can process my  emotions, not bypass them.  I can be honest and say - 'I don’t feel you right now God, but I need you'.  

     If you don’t start from where you really are, how can you get to where you need to go?  David did it in the Psalms, as a matter of fact I have heard it said that David was the greatest rapper there ever was!  If he did it, I can do it.  David said I cried aloud to the Lord.  I always tried to fight what was going on in my mind; thinking I had to get things straight before I could talk to God. 

     Now I fight my mind with my mouth; I pray out loud. I open your mouth and I am strategic.

     I remember when I first had the realization that I could run to the Father – that He wanted me to, I didn’t have to be scared, fearful….. or afraid I didn’t measure up in some way. When I realised He wasn’t angry with me – I was overwhelmed.  I was so relieved and had a peace I had never known.

     I share this with you, because it was so freeing for me and I want you to know it is possible, real and He can redeem/restore you too.  If you are afraid of God .....look back at how or what you have believed about Him ....study Him.  I never understood when the Bible said that when you see Jesus, you see God.  How could God be so angry with us, but Jesus entered into our world and met us where we were.  He cared, why didn't God just say, 'Ok that experiment (of humanity) didn't work, let's start again."

     God loved us, He cared.  When you see God for who He is, you are encouraged, inspired to learn, grow and be everything you were created to be.

My reason for writing this book and sharing such intimate details from my own life was to encouraged and inspire; hoping you can encounter God and know you can be everything He created you to be.  

I didn't know that at age 24 when what I knew as life itself walked out on me.  But a very special lady met me where I was and showed me truth.  I want to do that with others now.

If you would like to have a copy of the book you can go to Amazon both in the US and the UK - the site is on the sidebar of this blog.  It is available in Kindle.      

Scatter not Gather

     I have decided to read the Bible through in 2 years, I made this decision last month.  One always seemed to rush me, not sure about you, but I just wanted to get through those 4 chapters and often didn't really spend time studying the Scriptures.  Since receiving my masters I have seen how important it is to look back at the times when the story was taking place; study the culture, people and often even look at the Hebrew and Greek.  

     I am in Genesis 11 ....The Tower of Babel.  Now I have read this chapter many times, but yes usually just rushing through it.  I never really understood why God caused the people to speak different languages and scatter, but I guess I just accepted it.  I wanted to look at it deeper this time.

     First I found out it was about 150 years after the flood and there were about 30,000 people on the earth.  Now I think humanity had done pretty good in 150 years, don't you!?  : ). Since I had been studying the story more I went back to Genesis 1:27,28.  God had said take my image to every part of the earth - not gather in one place, maybe where we just felt safe.  The people of that time wanted to build statues to reflect the image of God, but God said we (humanity) are to bear God's image, not statues and He wanted us to take His image to the ends of the earth

     We are image bearers, yes this involves a responsibility.  Think about it, we carry His Presence.  As I thought more, it confirmed something I knew somehow deep inside that everytime I walk into one of these pubs here in England, where so many people did not know Jesus, I should be able to change the atmosphere; joy, peace, light, mercy and grace.  And that people have an innate value because they were created in the image of God.  This should make a huge difference in how we treat people.  Yes we can disagree and even get angry, but we still treat people with dignity and respect because God created them.  Now as I was talking to John Luke and Georgina about this, I experienced a bit of concern.  I didn't want them to think they could go into anywhere because they would take Jesus.  They needed wisdom, discernment; none of us need to be anywhere God does not call us to go, but if He does I wanted them to be aware Who goes with them and what it meant.

     The mission has not changed since the garden/Adam and Eve - God's plan was for humanity to take His image to the ends of the earth.  Yes we gather as a church, we saw this in Acts where the churched gathered - waiting for the power, Holy Spirit.  God didn't want a big church in Jerusalem.  He wanted them to receive Holy Spirit and then scatter - take His image to the ends of earth.  

     Driving to Surrey one morning to go see Howard's mom; H, JL, GG and I had a conversation about the things I felt I had discovered (or had known, but just a deeper sense).  I love to bring my family into this kind of processing.  I love to hear how especially JL & GG see things and it is important to apply it all.  At this point in my life, if we don't look at how to apply and make it real - what is the point?

     This was the application we came up with:
1 - We are to make His name known, not ours.  The people of that time in Genesis 11 was wanting to make a name for themselves without God.  Maybe we need to look at our motives, be faithful with our opportunities and be obedient to the things God says.
2 - To make disciples of ALL nations - Is God calling you to go to another nation, one possibility.  Or what about your neighbourhood, where you go to school, your work - as GG said, "Each one of us need to do our own thing!"  John Luke wants to major in psychology and use the study of human behaviour to help kids.  

     Where is He asking you to take His image, to be an image bearer?  You might think there is no way He is saying what He is.  I struggled with working in the pubs, meeting people and sharing His presence there.  Kind of went against the culture I was from.  

     Are you scattering or gathering where you feel safe?  Something to think about .......
     Hey try reading the Bible through in 2 years instead of 1!  : )

Acknowledging - Hazel Robinson   

Just received notice that my book has been published or online so people can order it.  I self-published it.  I really struggled with whether to do this or not.  I love to write and I love to encourage/inspire people to be everything God created them to be.  I think all my life I was working toward this - working toward being everything God created me to be.  I knew life may not have started off in the most ideal way, but I knew God had a plan and I wanted to find out what that was.  I didn't want to miss all He had for me.  

As I wrote snapshots from my own life; the things I had learn, how God had guided me and showed me so much of Himself - then showed me who I was, showed me who other people were and about the world He created - I knew I needed to share with other people that it was possible to be everything God created you to be.  I so wanted people to know they did not have to settle for what they thought life had to offer or maybe what other people had told them all their life.  I wanted people to know the freedom I had found, the peace, the understanding and the revelation of who we (humanity) are.  I was told something that was not true and I believe it all my life, but I found out all the things I had come to believe was not true.  It may have taken me all my life, but I had discovered it and wanted others to know.

So here it is ......I share it with you ......on the side of the page are two websites (in the very light blue, don't know how to change it!) - one for Amazon in the USA and the other one is Amazon in the UK.  Here is what the editor wrote when he was editing the book............ 

Teresa has seen amazing things during her life. She has seen herself at her darkest moments, full of heartache and regret. She’s also seen the dazzling moments when she fully accepted and embraced the love of Jesus Christ. This powerful tale of redemption and salvation will inspire you to reach out to God and bring light into your own life. 

Teresa chronicles the many transformations that completely changed her life. Throughout all the transitions, there was one thing that stayed constant: God’s presence in her life. Even when she questioned Him, He was by her side. Teresa celebrates His steadfast wisdom and the ways He inspired her to find joy and beauty in her life. 

Teresa hopes that you can find the same. She emphasizes that her story isn’t just about her own personal journey but about the journey of all humanity. Everyone is searching for fulfillment, and she has been able to experience the best her life and her faith have to offer. She will inspire you to do so as well. She hopes that you will find your purpose, your honor, and your grace.

Not sure a God story, but maybe it is.  Something I have struggled with all my life, but a new perspective.  As I wrote this, I thought of that scared little girl that was always afraid of God, maybe I am talking to this little girl here; maybe I am speaking to her, and reaching over to give her a big hug ......

How can we say God was an angry God?  All through the Old Testament He pursued His people.  Where was the mean God that was mad at His people? 

He always loved them and wanted to be with them.  I have finally come to this decision.

I was taught from the time I was a small child that God was angry with us, mad at us and it was about coming to Him so He wouldn’t be mad anymore.  Yes I understand forgiving of sins, we did disobey Him, but I think He was more sorrowful, broken-hearted because He knew what we had done – we had become separated from Him; the very source of our life.  I believe this saddened Him; broke His heart. 

Look throughout the Old Testament.  Even when Adam and Eve sinned, God didn’t storm away from them; He went to look for them (and I am sure He already knew where they were!) and then of all things He asked them a question!  What was the question?  Where are you?  He knew, but He wanted them to see – what had happened.  Now they were hiding in shame, afraid – a bit different than before, wasn’t it?

Then He mercifully set them outside of the garden.  I always thought this was because He was mad and wanted to punish them in some way.  But was it?  The tree of life was in the garden, if Adam and Eve had eaten from that tree - separated from God; they would have ALWAYS been separated from Him.  This was the tree of life, forever; the way we were to always live – receiving from God. 

God put them out of the garden, but He continued to come to them; through situations, people and prophets.  He sent Moses to rescue the Israelites from Egypt.  He communicated to Moses; He provided the cloud by night so they could follow.  He provided the manna by day so they could eat.  There was the ark, so He could be with His people.  There was the tabernacle built, so He could communicate and be with His people through the priests. 

Was He mad and upset?  Yes, maybe He was.  I often get upset with my kids when they do something stupid, but I still love them and want to be with them.  And I will do anything in my power to help them, pursue them, help them to see who they are; be with them.  If God was so angry why He didn’t just wipe us out, start over?  He could do that.  But He didn’t.  He created us in His image; gave us the ability to choose.  He wanted us.  So He figured out a way to rescue us, even after all that had happened.  He became one of us in Jesus; He entered into our world where we were, so we could enter into His world again and be the human beings He created us to be. 

Jesus said when He was walking on earth, fully man and fully God, that when we see Him, we see the Father.  Was there anything about Jesus that was angry, mean, out to punish people, or wanting to hurt them?  Yes He did get angry once when people were abusing other people, but was there another time? 

I write this with clearness in my heart and mind.  If I am wrong, I am open to God showing me.  It has been a journey coming to this point.  Because I can remember as a little girl, hearing the preacher up front telling me how mad God was at me and I had better repent or I would go to hell.  I never heard about how God created me, that I needed Him, He was my source of life or that He loved me ……Yes I know we have sinned and we do need to ask God for forgiveness, we need to repent…but I believe it is because that was how we were created to live anyway – receiving from God; participating with Him, hearing His voice and knowing He is God; we am not. 

Jesus came to rescue us, save us, bring us back into relationship with the Triune God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  I don’t believe the way to lead people to this truth is by scaring them, putting fear in their hearts.  I have fought this all my life and when I started reading about how God always wanted to be with me, I almost felt guilty from what I was seeing in the Scripture.  It was buried so deep in me…this fear that I have had since a little girl. 

But I don’t believe that anymore. 

    

1st God Story of 2017

Happy 2017!

I am going to continue with 'God Stories' this year.  

God has called me to participate with HIM in His mission in this world through the unique way He has created me - and I believe that is helping individuals realise their full potential in Christ.

At this time it is through Transformational leadership - guiding leaders in an ongoing process of transformation that produces character; the will and the wisdom, passion and perseverance - mediating His presence to a hurting and broken world.  This kind of leader is able to do the right thing at the right time in the right way because they are increasingly attended to the Spirit of Jesus within.  (taken from reading Ruth Haley Barton - one of my favourite authors).

One of the ways I am doing this is being very vulnerable and writing these 'God stories' - my own God stories.  Later I hope to share many different stories from people all over the world.  But the purpose is to encourage and inspire you to be everything He created you to be - to realise your full potential - because the world needs you. 

     I was sitting in a green, red and orange room.  It was so different than anything I was use to.  I was scared.  I didn’t recognize anything.  It was all so foreign to me.  I couldn’t call anyone; I didn’t know anyone.  I couldn’t go anywhere; I didn’t have a car and if I took the bus what would I say…..I couldn’t communicate with the driver.  Why was I here, had God played a trick on me?

     I was in Budapest, Hungary; that is Eastern Europe.  I had not known that a couple of years ago.  I had no idea where Hungary was.  I just thought hungry meant one thing; you wanted to eat.  Seriously, my geography was bad.

 

     I had been in this country for about 2 weeks.  I had never felt so alone.  But some way, somehow I knew God was with me.  I certainly didn’t understand, but I had come a long way with God…..I trusted in Him in the midst of the feelings.  Maybe He had played a trick on me?  Did that line up with His character?  I was still learning.  I didn’t know.

 

     The team of people I had come with was on the other side of the city.  I didn’t know what to do.  I sat there with tears running down my face for a while.  I am really not sure why, but I started to sing; praises to God, any song I could remember about God and how great He was.  I heard a ringing sound.  Was that the phone?  I had been told that my phone was out of order and would be for a while.  I stood up and looked for the phone.  I had not really been interested in where it was because I couldn’t speak to anyone anyway.  I found it, picked it up and carefully said hello.  There was much static, but after a few moments I heard a friend from home.  She yelled into the phone, it was hard to hear, but she said, “Teresa, I was thinking about you.  I am praying for you.  I miss you.  How are you?  I tried and tried to get through, couldn’t, but finally I did.  I love you Teresa.”  I sat there crying so hard, I couldn’t see.  It was wonderful hearing her voice.  The connection did not last long, but oh what a gift.  I hung up the phone and continued to sing and praise God.  I believed with all my heart He had just said to me that He loved me and He was with me.

     The whole idea of missions was so interesting, but so scary for me.  When I first sensed God may be calling me to go to another country I said, “No way!”  But I had learned so much about God and I was trusting Him.  I finally said to Him “If you want me to go into some kind of missions, to leave my home and family, you will have to make it so clear to me.  You will have to give me the desire to do this and it be greater than my desire to be here, my job (I was still a flight attendant and I loved it!), my home and my family.”  Also I liked my salary.  I could do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it and I didn’t have to worry about money.  I wasn’t rich, but I had more money than I ever had before.

     That had been 5 years before this time of sitting in the orange, green and red apartment.  I become involved in a counseling ministry from my church.  I wanted to know and understand more and more about my identity in Christ; about how I had been meeting my own needs in life in my own way.  I wanted to let go of these things and grab hold of what God had for me.  This took time, prayer, revelation and patience; but over time the desire to go out in the world and tell people about all I had learned was stronger and stronger.

 

     I remember the first time I heard the word Hungary and it didn’t mean I wanted something to eat.  A friend of mine told me she was going on the ‘mission field’ to a place called Hungary.  I said, “What?  Where is this…India?  You can’t go there.  How will you do that?”  She did though and because I could fly free with the Airline, I decided I would go see her.  I had started flying international, so it was not a foreign experience for me, but going to Eastern Europe was!  I took her all the things I thought she would be missing.  I couldn’t wait to see her.

     I stayed there for 3 weeks and at the end of my time, I didn’t want to leave.  I didn’t know why or how, but some way I felt that I would be back there.  I was drawn to the place and the people.  I left very sadly.

 

     I continued to work with the counseling ministry at my church.  One day the president of this ministry started telling me about taking the ministry international.  He had a friend that was in this country with another ministry and he was praying about going there.  I looked at him and said, “You are going to Budapest, Hungary, aren’t you?”  He said, “Yes that is exactly where it is.”  I told him I was going with him.  He just looked at me, in my heart I knew this was God and He had been preparing the way and me.

     Sometime when I think back, maybe the whole flight attendant experience had been about preparation; seeing the world, meeting all kinds of people, exposing me to so many different things and experiences.  That little girl from that small town could not have done this; that little girl that could not write a check, could not put gas in her car or drive across town.  But this woman that had been on a journey with God could and I knew this was His plan.  Now God needed to show the president of this ministry.

     The time drew near that I would need to raise financial support to go over to Hungary.  It was going to be for 1 year, but somehow I knew it would be longer for me; I couldn’t put that in words though.  I did a Bible study about raising money like this.  I had never heard of this before and it felt very strange about asking people for money to help me.  Tom, the president of this ministry told me I needed to tell people what was on my heart, what God was doing and how they could be a part of it with me.  He helped me to write a letter and I was to send it to 300 of my closet friends.  This was a very scary time for me.

 

     I remember telling my family was the scariest thing.  I knew my mom would not understand and she didn’t.  She told me several years later that she didn’t think it would happen; that I would never raise up the money I needed to go.  I was given one amount, it came in; then Tom increased the amount.  He told me later, he too was very concerned about taking a single lady to Eastern Europe.  God had a plan; the money came in over and beyond what I was asked to raise.  Both my mother and Tom could not dispute what God was doing.  Mom gave me her blessing, but I could tell she was so scared.

     As I wrote my support letter, I remember thinking I should send it out to many people that I had been working with at the Airline.  I struggled; most of these people were not Christians.  They would never understand what I was doing.  I was right; most did not.  I had one friend, he was a co-pilot.  He was married and I was friends with both he and his wife.  I sent him a support letter.  I had put it in his mailbox at the airport.  He got it the day he was going on a trip.  He told me later that during the entire 4 day trip, he talked about this letter with the captain that he was flying with.  He told him about this crazy thing his friend was doing and that she was saying she was going to quit flying with the airline and go to this far away place he had never heard of before.

 

     My friend said he had gone on like this for 4 days and as they were heading back home, the captain finally spoke.  He asked if he could contact me.  My friend told him that I was not interested in dating, that I thought I was going to be a missionary.  My friend said the captain smiled and said to him, “I understand that.  You see I too know this God she is serving and I want to help her with what God is doing in her life.”  My friend said he just about fainted, but gave him my phone number. 

     This man called me and we talked.  I never met him personally, but this man sent me 500 dollars and supported me financially for 5 years.  After many years of my friend reading my newsletters and keeping up with my journey in Eastern Europe, he contacted me one day and told me he wanted to know about this Jesus.  He and his wife had just had a child and if there was a way of life he wanted for his child, it was the church.

 

     I remember the day when I went in to tell my supervisor that I was quitting the airline and going on the mission field.  He looked at me like I was crazy.  He said he had never met anyone who would leave their job, their salary, their home, their family and friends and do something like this, but he said he liked me and wished me well.  It was hard to leave the airline; I loved working with them.

     I sold my house, gave everything away, stored some things at my mom’s and left the United States.  It was amazing to think that less than 10 years before I thought life was over and I didn’t want to live.  It was less than 10 years ago when God said, “I will take you on a different path.”  I was so excited flying over the ocean.  I had such a passion for what I was about to do.

     But now I was sitting in this apartment scared to death.  But I just had a phone call from a friend at home when I was told the phone did not work.  I checked the phone again, it had no sound.  God was with me.  I was scared, but I knew He was with me.  God I trust you .......