I am a Child of a King!

I am a Child of a King!

“Hi!  I’m Teresa; I am a child of an alcoholic.”

     We went around the room; each person gave their name and repeated this phrase.  I had been to several meetings similar to this one, hoping that maybe this time (please, please, please!!) I would find an answer.  Oh, it had been great at first.  I remember when I had first read the characteristics of children of alcoholics; I was shocked.  This was the way I felt.  At the meetings I met others who had been raised in homes where their needs were not met, because their parents had their own problems.  Like them, I never really felt like I “fit in” anywhere, I thought that was just the way it was.  Needless to say I was excited to know there were other people there who felt the same way.

     At first it was helpful to sit around and talk about our problems and how miserable we were.  I read every book I could get my hands on which explained why I did what I did and how I could change these behaviors.  I tried and tried, but every time I conquered one, another one popped up.  I became very frustrated.  I remember thinking, “There has got to be more than this.  After all, I’m a Christian; would God really do this to me?  Did God really send His son Jesus to die on the cross to save me so I could be this miserable!?!”  My only conclusion was that would help me, but the best I could be was a child of an alcoholic.  So I would try hard, since Jesus died for me, it was the least I could for Him.      

     I like the ocean.  I think it is powerful and majestic.  I remember the first time I tried to float in the ocean.  It was so hard for me to relax; let the water hold me up and go where the waves took me.

 

     I had always tried to control everything and everyone around me.  I didn’t want to get hurt or be rejected.  I didn’t know who I was and was always trying to prove to myself and to others that I mattered.

     God has shown me who I am and Who He is.  He showed me that I was created to participate with Him; I come alive when I am receiving from Him.

     As I relax, let go and let God be God; I can rest being His child.  Life has now become an adventure!  At times it feels very scary, but it truly an adventure.

     In the summer of 1993 I started raising support to come on staff at GMI in Atlanta.  Talk about scary, but in January my support had been raised beyond the amount I was asked to raise.

     I joined the team that was going to Budapest, Hungary; to set up the first international office.  This involved selling my house and leaving my job as a nurse and a flight attendant.  I had a very nice salary – scary!

     I arrived in Budapest in July of 1994.  I left friends and family and came to a culture where I could not even speak the language.  This was also very scary, but God showed me His love in a way I had never known before. 

     In October of that same year God brought a man in my life that I was only able to love because I had come to know the love of my Father.  We were married in August of 1995 and lived in Budapest for ten years.  I had joined the organization that he was with; Youth with A Mission (YWAM).

     This all sounds exciting and it is, but it involved letting go of how I thought things ought to be.  If you had asked me 10 years ago if I thought I would be a missionary, I would have laughed at you.  The word “missionary” scared me.

    

     I sensed God saying  “Teresa, jump into My arms.  It may not be what you always thought it would be.  It may even feel like jumping into the ocean (letting go of controlling everything), but I will never let you down; I will hold you and show you many things.”

     “Hi, I’m Teresa, a child of the King.”

I Keep Dancing!

Mountain Top

     Solo was the name of the singles group I was attending.  I had never really liked ‘single’ groups.  It just had a negative connotation for me; poor girl, she is single, can’t she find someone that would have her.  Why isn’t she married?  I felt it labeled me and I don’t like labels.  I was learning more and more who I was and the last thing I wanted was to be put in some kind of box and be expected to act that way.

     But I found such a nice group of people in Solo and we all seem to be on a journey with God; different places for sure, but we shared a common bond – being single.  I was drawn toward them.  I made some close friends there that I am still friends with today; truly a gift.

 

     There are 2 things that stand out to me about being part of this group and it all centered on this particular time called “Mountain Top”.  One Thursday night the leader started talking about an opportunity; at first I was unsure, he talked about serving.  Maybe you cannot understand why I found this a bit weird, but I had always had so many problems of my own; I didn’t have time to think about other people; their problems, their situations, their lives.  What did he mean?  I listened closely.

 

     Every year Solo was involved with a mission group called Mountain Top and participated in a trip into the Appalachian Mountains to build homes for people who could not afford them.  What?  People in the United States didn’t have homes?  It was hard to believe.  I became very interested in this trip.  I started reading about what Jesus had to say about serving.  I didn’t understand, but I had this excitement and stirring deep within me.  How could I get excited over building a house, I certainly didn’t know how and why would I spend my time doing this?  I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

 

     Several of the others started talking about the trip.  I asked them how they felt about it all.  They were not sure, but had an interest.  The leader planned a special meeting for all those who were interested.  I couldn’t wait to show up.

 

     I went on a Saturday afternoon and didn’t know any of the people.  I sat down, watched and waited.  The trip was explained, all the logistics and then we were asked who wanted to drive.  Well I didn’t, it was all so new to me, and I just wanted to take it all in.  One young woman offered to drive and then pointed at me and said, “I want her to ride with me.”  Let’s just say this was one of those friends I still have today.

 

     That was one of the most amazing things about this trip; I didn’t know anyone when we started, but I became so close with everyone on the trip.  It was conducive to a special bond, working with people to help someone else; a closeness that is hard to describe in words.

 

     This one man brought his tools for us to use.  Now as I said, I knew absolutely nothing about building a house, but there were a few carpenters, builders and painters with us and they were going to teach us how.  I was assigned to work with this man and all of his tools.  He had just bought a new electric saw to use for the trip.  We were building a house for a young woman, 2 years younger than me that had been living in her car for a couple of years.  She used the cigarette lighter for electricity.  Now this had been very difficult for me to comprehend.  She looked just fine, her name was Francis and I would never have thought she was living in a car.  She had lost her job, couldn’t find work and had no place to live.

 

     I was told that I would put on the roof.  What?  I was not afraid of heights, but had no idea how to lay a roof.  Since there had to be much done before the house was ready for the roof, I helped with errands; running here and there, doing mostly what I was told.  One morning the man with all the tools showed me how to use his electric saw; well he thought he did.  I watched, listened and thought I understood.  About an hour later he was up on the side of the house and asked if I would cut him a 2 by 4.  I hesitated a moment, but thought; I can do this.  I went over and guess what?  I did it.  Oh I felt very good about myself, took the 2 by 4 over to this gentleman and asked what was next.  He told me he needed another one.  I went to comply.

 

     OK, do you understand the word cocky?  Well I think I got a little cocky.  I went to cut the 2 by 4, turned to put the wood down on the ground and cut the cord completely.  Yes I did.  It happened all so fast.  I really didn’t know what I had done, but everything went quiet; the saw stopped working.  The man on the house looked down at me, then at the saw and back at me.  I became so afraid.  I just knew he was going to be mad, scream at me and I was not sure what else.  As he came toward me, I believe I was literally shaking.  Later he told me I had tears running down my cheeks, I don’t remember.  He put his arm around me and said, “Don’t be so upset, it could have happen to anyone.”

     Work was delayed for the next couple of hours.  I was pretty shaken up and wasn’t sure why.  This man showed me forgiveness and I know now it reflected the heart of Father God.  I made a mistake, I didn’t do it on purpose, but I always felt that I couldn’t make a mistake.  I had to be perfect all the time.  Now who can be perfect all the time; unrealistic expectation, right?  Hard to live up to, but I had always tried and got very upset with myself when I messed up.  I guess I learned that somewhere early in my life, but God was showing a new way, His way, His character.

     I still remember that man, what happened and the truth I learned.  It was a life changing moment for me.  I still have a hard time giving myself grace, but when I see how the God of this universe gave me grace; I am humbled.

     One evening while walking around thinking about this incidence, I ran into Francis.  She was standing looking at the little house that was going to be hers.  I stood beside her and looked also.  She turned and smiled at me.  Finally she said, I have never had a floor before.  I thought I had misunderstood and asked for her to repeat what she said.  She said when I was growing up my family didn’t have very much money.  She had lived in a small house and it didn’t have a floor, but her mom always swept it everyday and tried to keep it clean.  I just stared at her.  She went on to say, I can’t believe I am going to have a floor.

     There was a bit more to be done before the floor would be completed.  I told Francis that the next evening the floor should be finished and let’s meet at this same time and dance on the floor.  She laughed and said I would love to do that and she repeated I can’t believe I am going to live with a floor.

 

     The next day we continued to build the house.  I had such overwhelming feelings that were hard to describe and I had never had them before.  That evening around the same time as the night before, Francis and I met at the house and dance on her floor.  It was amazing under the moon light, singing and dancing like a child.  Francis was so happy and I had never known such a happy feeling seeing someone else this happy. 

     We were dancing, singing and laughing so loudly, we did not hear the rest of the crew come up.  They watched us for while, but shortly joined us.  We had such a good time; what was drawing us together like this?  I believe it was the Spirit of God, His love, grace and just the feelings that come when you reach out beyond yourself and help someone else.  This serving thing….I was going to have to look into it a bit more.  I liked the way it made me feel inside.  I didn’t care that I had paid for the trip, lived in a place that had no mirror, no bathroom; this was different for me.  I had always cared about these things. 

     Little did I know that was when God may have put the spark in my heart for missions; looking out into God’s world, seeing what was happening, what was going on; seeing people, cultures and nations and wanting to be part of what He was doing. 

     I came home from that trip changed; I was a different person.  About 8 years after this, I went on the mission field in Eastern Europe.  I wrote Francis and told her what I was doing.  She sent me 5.00 dollars a month for financial support for 3 years.  This woman that lived in a car, never lived where there was a floor…..reached out to me.  She had gotten a job shortly after we finished her house at a library.  She wrote to me often and said she would never forget dancing on her floor under the moon.  I would not forget either. 

     I also never forgot the man that showed me God’s love and forgiveness; and let me know it was OK to make a mistake; I was human.  This trip had truly been a mountain top experience!

     I stayed in the singles group for another year.  God used it in my life.  It was hard to leave, but our journey with God takes us in and out of experiences.  He brings people in and out of our lives.  Not holding on is hard, but the only way we continue to learn is to trust Him.  God was about to take me through another life changing experience; another mountain top experience.  Are you ready to go with me?  Let’s go!   

    

     

Community

Community

     

This man and I stopped seeing each other.  I don’t really even remember what happened between us.  I believe he just lost all interest and started seeing someone else.  It had happened to me again; I was replaced by another woman.  What was wrong with me?  Was I not pretty enough?  Was I too fat, after all I was about 5 pounds overweight?  I had always struggle with these 5 pounds.  Is that what was wrong with me?

     I kept going over and over these things in my head.  I just didn’t know what to do or where to turn.  I had not been to church in years, since my husband and I had separated.  The church we were going to had told me I needed to just do what made my husband happy.  It just didn’t sound right to me.  They didn’t have any answers for me when I needed them the most.

 

     Remember I met Betty Ann and she was the one who taught me about Jesus….so I really didn’t see a need to go to church.  I remember after I learned about forgiveness from Betty Ann I went back to the pastor to tell him about it.  He listened to my story and then he looked at me with such a pain on his face.  I will always remember his words.  He said, “Teresa I do not understand what you are talking about.  I believe you are telling the truth, but I just don’t get it.  I could never forgive my wife, if she had done to me what your husband did to you.”  I walked out of the church and had not step back into one.

 

     But now I felt the need to be with other people who believed in God and believed that He made a difference in our lives.  I needed to be with people that believed God was alive today, just like that Scripture said on the plaque behind the pastor’s head…..Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forevermore.  I didn’t know anyone like that right now.  I had not seen Betty Ann in a long time.  She lived in another state.  I had been so involved with this man, but I needed more.  If there was one thing I knew, I knew that.

     The Airline had opened a new Base close to where I grew up.  Was it time to move back closer to home?  My family did not know God, so I knew the answer was not with them at that time, but maybe to be closer would be nice.  I asked if I could be transferred.  There was no problem.  I moved back South.  I bought a house and everything was Ok, but oh I knew I needed to talk with people about Jesus….where were they?

     I decided I would try to find a church again, but I really had no hope I would.  Every Sunday I went to a different church.  One Sunday morning, I walked into this one church that looked like a gym.  I thought what is this, where do I go?  I stepped inside the door and just stopped.  I couldn’t see a seat; there were people everywhere.  I stood there, looked around and finally saw the pastor standing up front on some kind of stage.  I started listening to what he was saying.

     He was talking about absolute truth.  I couldn’t move.  He was talking about the things I had thought somewhere way back in my mind might be true, but I needed to hear some kind of confirmation.  This man was speaking to me.

 

     In the airline, I had seen people just do what was right in their own eyes.  Everyone thought they knew truth and was never shy about giving their opinions.  I didn’t understand that thinking.  Didn’t there have to be a Creator, someone who knew how things worked the best?  Didn’t there have to be something for me to grab a hold of out there?  Otherwise it was just a very slippery slope.  This man was saying there was.  I was in the right place.  I had found the church I was looking for.

     It was hard to get involved in the church because of my schedule, but I would go every chance I could.  I was learning and hearing about God.  I met some people my age and they invited me to this singles group downtown.  It was not part of the church, but many people went there and they were all Christians.  I thought OK, let me try this.

     I met a group of single adults my age.  I didn’t travel as much as I did before, because I loved getting home and hanging out with these people; I guess they grounded me.  Most of the people I flew with in the airline were not Christians and that was fine, but I just needed to hear more about God.

     God had answered yet another prayer; I was going to church that was teaching me about Jesus, that believed He was real today and made a difference in our lives.  I had found a group of people my age, we had much in common and they all loved Jesus.  I was so grateful.

 

     God was laying the foundation.  I didn’t know it at the time, but He had much to show me about relationships and the place He was going to start was with me.  He needed to show me who I was by showing me who He was and what He had done for me.  I knew from that time when I saw the old wooden cross on the tree that there was a purpose for me in this life, but I never really knew what that was.  God would show me….in His way and His timing.