I am sitting here this morning looking back at my journal entries of the last 2 years .....the masters program. We are at the end of the course work; now the thesis! As I am preparing for my thesis/project, I want to reflect over all the things I have learned.
In the very beginning I sense God saying, "Teresa this is not about performing; it is about meeting with the true Master." I was always an over-achiever in school and university. I had to have an A or it was the end of the world (I thought!). But I sensed strongly this course would not be like that.
One of the first things we started looking at was the 'spiritual disciplines.' Just the mention of this made me cringe inside. Spiritual disciplines; praying, solitude, silence, fasting .....these had been held over me in the past as rules I had better do if I was a good Christian. Just the thought of doing this gave me a sick feeling.
I wrote several journal notations regarding this ......
How do you see me God? I had asked God this question several times in my life, but this time it seemed to affect me in a way it never had before. How do you see me right now God, not how do I have to try and be or how do I get that way? I realised I had always seen what He said about me in Scriptures or maybe even what He said to me deep down in my being as something I still had to strive and get to. Wow....striving, performing is such a part of how I think. I just can't separate the two.
But I am determined to sit, reflect, journal and listen to God. I want to hear His voice say to me how He sees me right now and then I want to ask Him to empower me to see myself that way.
I am learning that the ‘holy habits’ are good. They are God’s grace, a time for me to be still and be with Father; that He would show me anything that hindered me from being more like Jesus. I knew the way I saw myself was hindering me.
Two things that immediately came to me was our time in Switzerland (my masters intensive) during the first week when the speaker had asked us to ask this very question; what are God’s thoughts toward us. I had written down passionate and creative. I remember thinking, “what, this is so not me." I have always wanted to be this way, I have tried, but I can’t.” Immediately I saw where I did not receive this. I saw where once again I thought, “well I will try.”
The next morning I took my daughter to school. Before she got out of the car, she gave me a big hug, gave me a kiss and said, “you are awesome, Mom” As she ran toward the school, I sat and watched her. I sensed God saying, “Teresa, I think you are awesome too.” Could this really be God? I couldn’t believe it. No God, you would not say that, would you? I continued to reflect on this.
The next day my husband brought me a dozen red roses. He had not done this in years. When I asked why, he said, because I love you.” As I went to put them in water, again I sensed from deep within, “this is how I see you, Teresa. I love you.”
I am asking God to empower me to embrace this; not to perform and try to act this way. I am using times of reflection, journaling and listening for God to work deep within me.
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I share this with you to see how these holy habits (spiritual disciplines) are ways for God to minister to us, heal us, teach and speak to us; times where He convicts us and empowers us to be more like and live like Jesus.
Not seeing myself the way God sees me hinders me and keeps me from living like Jesus.
But I am determined to sit, reflect, journal and listen to God. I want to hear His voice say to me how He sees me right now and then I want to ask Him to empower me to see myself that way.
I am learning that the ‘holy habits’ are good. They are God’s grace, a time for me to be still and be with Father; that He would show me anything that hindered me from being more like Jesus. I knew the way I saw myself was hindering me.
Two things that immediately came to me was our time in Switzerland (my masters intensive) during the first week when the speaker had asked us to ask this very question; what are God’s thoughts toward us. I had written down passionate and creative. I remember thinking, “what, this is so not me." I have always wanted to be this way, I have tried, but I can’t.” Immediately I saw where I did not receive this. I saw where once again I thought, “well I will try.”
The next morning I took my daughter to school. Before she got out of the car, she gave me a big hug, gave me a kiss and said, “you are awesome, Mom” As she ran toward the school, I sat and watched her. I sensed God saying, “Teresa, I think you are awesome too.” Could this really be God? I couldn’t believe it. No God, you would not say that, would you? I continued to reflect on this.
The next day my husband brought me a dozen red roses. He had not done this in years. When I asked why, he said, because I love you.” As I went to put them in water, again I sensed from deep within, “this is how I see you, Teresa. I love you.”
I am asking God to empower me to embrace this; not to perform and try to act this way. I am using times of reflection, journaling and listening for God to work deep within me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I share this with you to see how these holy habits (spiritual disciplines) are ways for God to minister to us, heal us, teach and speak to us; times where He convicts us and empowers us to be more like and live like Jesus.
Not seeing myself the way God sees me hinders me and keeps me from living like Jesus.
-
1.) Jesus was always interacting with people, asking them questions; sometimes
strange questions. What question do you think Jesus might ask you right
now?
-
2.) What kind of feelings would you be having at this time while talking to
Jesus?
- 3.) What questions would you like to ask Jesus?
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