Hearing God

I have started a collection of stories about transformation – from a woman whose heart was broken, but brought back to life when she met God. It is about the story God tells in all our lives. It is about humanity, and it is about the world.  It is about how an awareness of God changes and infuses everything; how it makes a difference in everyday life. These stories are snapshots of a woman learning to be everything she was created to be and participate with God in His mission in this world. 

They will be stories about love, redemption, hope, forgiveness, trust and reconciliation. As you read – the broken parts, the secret parts and the beautiful parts – my prayer is that the Gospel will come alive to you; the transforming story of what God does in a human heart. Maybe it will be stories that change your life.

This is number 3 - Hearing God.  If you haven't read the last 2, I encourage you to go back and read them; maybe God can minister to you through them - my prayer.

Hearing God

     I met God when my husband left me.  I had heard about God all my life, from the time I was a little girl.  I associated God with a monster.  I thought He lived in this place called heaven (I had no idea where or what this was) and sat in a big chair watching me.  When I did something wrong, He would get me.  I can’t really tell you how I thought He did this, but He did.

     My parents went to church when I was young.  I learned much about God from this church.  The man up front in a place called a pulpit yelled a lot.  He often talked about hell, fire and brimstone (whatever that was).  He even told us we were going there if we didn’t watch out.  I always felt fear.  I was so scared I would do something wrong and this monster called God would get me.

 

     At night I couldn’t go to sleep.  I had to have a light on.  If I slept through the night, the next night I would try and think how did I hold my legs last night; did I cross them, did I lay on my back, my side, then I would try and lay the same way hoping I would sleep that night.  I believe that is called magical thinking.

     I was always watching everything I did, because I didn’t want this monster to get me.  I always obeyed my parents because that man up front in the church told me I would go to hell if I didn’t.  If there was ever anything I didn’t think my parents would like, I wouldn’t tell them or I would make it sound better….because I didn’t want them to get upset.  If they got upset, this monster called God would get upset.

 

     When I was 14, I went with my youth group to listen to this man called Billy Graham speak.  Oh no, he started talking about God……..but he didn’t yell.  I didn’t even hear the words hell, fire or brimstone.  He said God loved me.  What!?  I can’t remember everything he said, I do remember when he finished, I had to go down front where he was inviting us to come.  He asked us if we wanted to invite Jesus to come into our hearts.  I knew I wanted the peace and love that radiated from this man’s face.  He told us to ask God for forgiveness and to ask Jesus to come into our hearts.  Well I knew all about sins, I was always doing something wrong and messing up, so I could do this.

     I did.  I asked Jesus to come into my heart.  Now I had no idea what all this meant, but I believe that even though I didn’t know, God knew and He heard me.  I believe I became a Christian at that time.  I started going to church where this cute boy from school went to.  I wanted to meet him.  This church didn’t talk much about Jesus though.  They talked about what was happening in the world and how to be a nice person.

 

     The cute boy turned out not to be too nice, but I met another boy that was nice.  We started dating when I was 16.  We were together all the time.  I didn’t hear much about Jesus in this church or anywhere else, but I was in love.

     It was a good thing I had met this guy, because my parents were not getting along very well and I didn’t like to be at home.  My parents eventually separated.  They went back to the church we went to when I was very young.  They didn’t stay long, because that man that spoke from the pulpit told them they were going to hell if they divorce.  They divorced and were very unhappy.

     I was very sad for my parents, but I had met this guy.  We continued going to this church.  I don’t remember learning very much about Jesus, but this guy and I got closer and closer.  All I really remember them saying about Jesus was that His teachings, from the Bible, was for 2000 years ago…not for today.  I always thought that was a bit funny though.  There was a plaque right behind the minister’s head that said, “Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forevermore.”   But I thought since this guy was the pastor and went to some school, he must know.  And there were many people sitting in the church listening, so it must be true.

 

     This guy and I dated all through high school and then into college.  We were going to get married.  I even went to school through the summers so we could get married in 3 years, instead of 4.

 

     Once I graduated from college, we married.  We bought a house and had many plans for our life.  We were going to wait around 5 years, then start a family.  We had it all figured out, that big thing called life.

     When I was 24, my husband told me he was confused and didn’t think he wanted to be married any longer.  We ended up separating and I found out there was another woman in his life.

     The last 10 years I had learned a lot about my husband, but I had not learned anything about Jesus.  I called Him Savior at age 14, but didn’t know anything about Him.  This lady, that I know today was brought into my life by my Creator, discipled me.  She taught me about Jesus.  She showed me Jesus.

     One of the things she told me was that Jesus still spoke today.  He still guided and directed us today.  He created us, you might say, He invented us, because He loved us.  He was not just for 2000 years ago and He was not a monster.

     I remember the first time I knew God spoke to me.  I was in my apartment, the place I was living while my husband I were separated.  It was a cozy little place.  I liked it.  I was in my bathroom combing my hair.  I had been trying to make the decision whether to continue seeing a counselor that someone had recommended to me.  I had seen him once, he just sat there and listened to me, didn’t say a word.  I was not at peace about seeing this man.  I tried to pray, but I wasn’t sure how.  I just kept saying, “God, help me, God show me.”  That is all I really knew how to do when it came to praying.  I still struggled with my feelings of fear when it came to God.  I knew in my head that He was not a monster, at least that is what I was learning, but not in my experience.  I still felt like that little girl that was afraid of God and knew He was going to get me if I did anything wrong or something He didn’t like.

     But as I stood there combing my hair, I heard these words…..”Teresa, I am your Counselor.”  I turned around, poked my head out the door of the bathroom, and looked down the hallway.  I walked into the living room, kitchen and then my bedroom.  I knew someone was in the apartment.  I didn’t see anyone.  I went back into the bathroom, stood looking at myself in the mirror.  Who or what was that?  Could that be God?

     I called the lady that was discipling me, told her what happened and asked if she thought that could be God.  She gave me a scripture.  I looked it up.  I couldn’t believe it.  The words were in the Bible!  God was saying to me that He would be my counselor.

 

     I didn’t see the other counselor again.  God made a promise to me that day and He has never let me down.  He has truly been a Counselor to me.  I was so amazed.  God is the same yesterday, today and forevermore.  He is alive today, not just 2000 years ago.  Wow!

     I remember another time I heard God.  I believe when you are just meeting your Heavenly Father, He gives much grace and makes it a little easier for you.  I don’t always hear God like this today, but He was showing a scared little girl Himself, that He was alive, that He cared and that He was not a monster.  Today, most of the time it is just this deep down knowing/impression or through His Word.

     I was driving home from a friend’s house.  I was going to be driving right past where my husband was living.  I had this knowing that I was to stop and tell him I forgave him, that I had met God like he and I had never known Him before;  and I knew He could put our marriage together again if we let Him.  I remember thinking that is crazy!  I can’t do that.  Oh but it was so strong.  I had been learning about God and one of the things I was learning is that when you hear Him, obey Him.

     I stopped and told my husband.  He just looked at me.  I knew he thought I was crazy.  Do you know what?  God had me to do this 2 more times!  I remember after the 3^rd time and my husband continued to tell me no, I was mad at God.  Why did He have me to do this?  Did I not hear Him right?  Am I crazy?  How humiliating.  And he was the one who left me!

     I didn’t understand any of it…..until one day about 8 months after my divorce.  I was standing at the ironing board in the same apartment where I had been living.  I was planning to meet a young man that my ex-husband’s brother had asked me to meet.  I was ironing a shirt.  I didn’t want to go and meet this man.  Wasn’t this a little like dating?  I didn’t want to date.  I knew I was divorce, but oh I still felt very married.  Was this the right thing?  God didn’t like divorce.  I was torn.

 

     I prayed.  Praying was still a little hard for me.  I wasn’t sure how to do it.  But you know what I know today?  It may have been hard for me, but God heard me.  He knew my heart.  He knew I didn’t know how, but He listened and He answered.  I sensed these words so strongly…..”That is why I had you to go back to your husband 3 times for reconciliation, to tell him the truth about me.  He said no.  Now I will take you down a different path.  I could have healed your marriage, but it was a choice.  Now let’s go down this path.”  I knew that I knew in my heart it was OK to let go, to move forward, to look ahead and to trust God.  I didn’t know what lay ahead, but I knew Who was with me.  I knew He was alive and I knew He was not a monster.

     I am not saying that I heard God in an audible voice.  It was a deep down knowing.  I believe God makes Himself known in different ways.  I believe it will always align up with His Word.

 

     I am still learning about hearing God’s voice, obeying and following what He says.  It has been an adventure.  An amazing one!  Sometime hard and usually always goes against what the world is telling us to do.  Would the world tell you to forgive and try to put your marriage back together when your husband left you for another person?  I don’t think so.  I am so glad I obeyed God.  I don’t think I would be in the same place today if I had not.

Scriptures:  Hebrew 13:8, Isaiah 9:6