Presence

     God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! (Romans 8:31-39) 

     This past week as I was continuing to 'sit' with my daughter (and there have been some tremendous good developments, which I will share at some point), I have been taking care of my mother-in-law during the days while GG (and JL) are in school.  

     One day while she was resting I decided to practice a discipline called the Examen, I needed it!  This is where you actually move yourself from one area to another.  Each area has a name; finite, broken and giftedness.  This is looking at us as human beings and these are the 3 areas we need to hold in a tension.

    Vera was asleep in a chair; but I could still move around the room and sit in the different areas (I have found this is very helpful for me).  As I was sitting in the finite I looked up at Vera.  I thought about how active she had always been, rode a bicycle until she was 79 years old!  This was actually when the deterioration of her spine started, she was hit by a lorry while biking to the grocery store in her village.  She was knocked into a field, but got up - refused to go to hospital and cycled home.  We didn't even find out about it until 2 years later!  

     She was always so independent and such a feisty lady.  It was very sad watching her and I felt some of the same feelings I had felt the week before; helplessness, frustration, and sad.  

     As I moved to the giftedness spot, I sensed God saying to me, "Teresa, sit with Vera.  Just be with her, help her with her needs .....there is no shame."  

     Wow the same thing I was doing with my daughter; was this enough?  It didn't feel like it, but God was saying presence .....and I was a nurse, I knew how to help her.  I knew how to help and create a space where she did not have to feel shame.  God had gifted me with this. 

     I had sat in giftedness for a long time .....Vera opened her eyes and looked at me.  She finally said, "Teresa, I am so glad you are here.  I am so glad you married my son, he needed you; this family needed you."  

     I walked over and gave her a hug.